flaws

flaws. we all have them. those little things that rest in the back of your mind that you cant stand about yourself. often times what we may personally consider to be a flaw in ourselves others don’t even notice. after reading this prompt I thought for a couple days over which flaw of mine I could write about, I mean there are so many to choose from. it was this thought that led me to realize that one of my major flaws is that I believe I consist completely of flaws. I am too insecure and lack self confidence.

I mean yes we are all insecure, because lets be real we ARE in high school and we ARE being judged by every person we meet, but my insecurities go so much deeper than my physical appearance. I struggle with the belief that ill never be good enough for anyone and that ill never be able to reach anyone’s expectations. for almost six months I dated this guy, and I finally believed that I had met someone that I was good enough for, someone who approved of me. he told me he loved me, so naturally I returned the words. but being the sour, realistic person I am, I never believed that we would last forever, and I never really thought I loved him. until, that is, a week before he broke up with me. which, not gonna lie, totally sucked. I had gone from being good enough to being nothing to someone in minutes. I was heart broken and I became even more insecure than before, because i had fallen under the false presumption that someone loved me and they did not. Two days later he told me that he still loved me and we talked about getting back together (always a bad idea). wow. someone really did love me? i was good enough for him again? i was overjoyed. then, yet again, two days later he told me that he didn’t love me. yeah so that sucked. i came out of that even more insecure about just being good enough than i had ever been before. i always strive to be accepted and approved, and i always have. whether in school, sports, clubs, guys, friends, or even my own family, i just want to be good enough.

this fear, insecurity, and flaw cripples me in every day life. I am true to myself as Hawthorne says we should be. instead I am more cowardly and play it safe. my lack of confidence is what truly causes the most problems in my life. but although I make a big deal out of all of what I consider to be flaws through my insecurity others would not think I was so insecure. but it is the belief that I contain so many short comings, imperfections, and problems that creates my main flaw, my insecurity.